Only 6 days till I leave and it hasn't quite hit me. I am going to miss everyone. It would be right before I leave that I meet the most wonderful guy. He is perfect. I have never met anyone quite like him and now I have to leave him.... hope we can make this work...

Saw the new Superman movie! It was so good! I didn't know so much drama, action, and detail could be packed in to one movie. It is defiantly a must see movie. I am really going to miss seeing movies with my friends :/

17 days left. everything seems like its packed together and crazy. so much to do in so little time. I am going to miss everyone and everything. I have been working really hard to be ready.

Graduation is tomorrow. I am so excited!

Wow.... I graduate a week from today. It doesn't even seem real. I have been here for so long it seems. Most of my life spent in school. My school experience has been... well it hasn't been good. Always cast aside, never had any friends; I cant say it was because I was shy and quiet because, I am the loudest person i know. It was my behavior and lack of self worth and self control that held me back for making friends and being invited to social gatherings.
It took me till a year ago To figure out what I needed to do to change. The main thing was finding a goal; something to work for that kept my high energy and active mind occupied. I found a career path, and then I found friends. People who can talk to me because my crazy is focused on things other then finding friends and flirting with boys, People are attracted to people with purpose.
My life has taken a huge turn for the better. I have hope for my future. I have been running and working out and learning. I know a little about a lot of things. from land navigation to Army history. I can run 2 miles in 17 min 49 sec, do 62 sit ups in 2min, and 27 push ups in 2min. A huge improvement from never running, doing 5 sit ups, and not being able to do any push ups.
It feels like my life starts when I leave (31 days from now) and I can't wait.
I am really going to miss my friends that I have had for such a short time now but, I am now ready to start my life.

Senior skip day was a blast. slept in, went to the lake, and stoped in at the senior camp out.

33 days left before my life starts!

I graduate on June 7th. I am so nervous. Everyday is a day closer to when I leave for the army. 34 days left.... Here comes my future.

This is my drawing.

Hallow

 

Hallow is an emptiness

Hallow is when they walk by and they know your there and the wont look at you

Hallow is what you feel when the pain eats away at whats left of your hope

Hallow is when they wont spare a smile for the yesterdays

Hallow is walking alone when your surrounded

Hallow is an emptiness

I always want more! When I want, I work hard to get but, when working to get something stops working whet do I do? Probably should move on.. Stop worrying about what I can't have. Stop hoping for more. I won't of course, I'll just keep pushing on, till something breaks. Whether that be my sanity or that of someone else I wont stop because, I want more.

Went on a trail ride yesterday on horse back. I was riding without a saddle and while we were crossing water the horse behind mine ran in to me and knocked me off and in to the water :) good times

Prom was a lot more fun then I thought it would be. I didn't get a date so I went with Makayla. we started off by going to Red Robbin and having some awesome burgers. It was really funny because i could barley sit in my dress, It wasn't really meant for sitting... or dancing for that matter more for just standing and looking good.
When we got there the guy I really wanted to take me was there standing in the parking lot with our friend Jeremy and I was so mad..... Well I was really happy he was there, but at the same time I just wanted him to take me and he wouldn't.
He is the biggest jerk I have ever met and I am so happy that he acted like my date. He walked me in, posed for pictures, and danced with me the whole time he was there. It was Wonderful.
The fun didn't end after he left though Makayla and I had a blast! We danced, ate chocolate and went to a really fun (non-alcoholic) after party at my friend Max's house. So all in all my prom was pretty close to perfect.

I'll post pictures soon :)

EVERYDAY!!!

AHHHH!!! PROM TOMORROW! It is going to be so much fun.... So I don't have a date and as disappointing as that is I will have a good time anyway. It's time to enjoy my last few weeks of being a high school senior. We have a few exciting events to end with: senior skip day, senior breakfast, and drive some type of crazy vehicle to school for the last day.

Everyday is an adventure! Makayla and I are always on the go. from cleaning stalls and returning bottles and cans to random drives to see my family out in the middle of nowhere. today we went to the store and searched for car fresheners and found green apple scented.

There is an awesome new fire pit at my house!

Sorry I skipped my English class Friday, but senior BBQ was the best!!! Everyone was there playing games, eating food messing around. It had to be one of the most fun things I've done with my class. It was wonderful because everyone was included in what ever they wanted to do like helping to cook the food or playing games. Its a day I wont forget anytime soon.

On April 15th I posted a poem called Keep Breathing and i had also submitted it to a local library poem competition for extra credit for English and surprisingly... I won. I didn't even think it was that good who knew :)

Max, Makayla, Aaron, and ME!!!

I had an amazing weekend. On Saturday I was sworn in to the military in front of thousands of people...
I'm in the middle of the group :)

 

 

On Sunday I went over to my mothers house and sat on her deck in the sun it was such a beautifle day.

 

It's that time of year again... tension high people (including me) going crazy! that dreaded time in every social out casts life........ PROM! Last year, my Junior prom I took my little brother with me and my aunt and uncle chaperoned. sounds lame I know but it was the most fun I think I've ever had at a dance and I probably wont have as good of a time this year. My prom is on May 11th. Its getting closer. I just got a dress and What I really want but may or may not get is a date..... Its my senior prom and I've never been asked to a dance.. Pathetic right? I'll have fun anyway of course but I would love if someone would just ask me. This is my new dress...

It is such a beautiful day. Its warm and the sun is shining. I'm at school out in the grass with Morgan and having an amazing time.

I hate math sooo much!!!! I have to finish my midturm today today..... hope I do okay :P

I had a lot of fun this weekend with my wonderful friend makayla we spent alot of time walking up and down the road in the middle of the night.

My amazing uncle Richy took my senior pictures yesterday. He did an amazing job.

I love future soldier training! This week we had a guy come in that just got out of AIT. He is a 68W (combat medic) just like i am going to be :) . He showed us how to apply a tourniquet. I was first to volunteer, and he chose the guy sitting next to me for me to try it on. My friend and fellow future soldier who I was trying the tourniquet on was frustrating me because he said strap i was putting on his leg was not as tight as the one our instructor was putting on his other leg, so I made it as tight as I possibly could until he squirmed and finally said that it was about the same. Then I took the handle and twisted it about four times, he was hurting pretty bad at that point. Surprisingly he texted me after and asked to hangout lol. What an interesting way to get a date :)

     Oh Makayla you are the most amazing friend. You're funny, sweet, and the biggest smart a** I know. You are always there when I need you and always have a great word of advice, for example: "Sydni just remember..... IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!"
     We always have the most interesting conversations that no one understands.... mostly made up of strange noises. Your favorite words ("merrr herrr herrr" and "RRAHHH") are also my favorite words.
     We have fun doing the strangest things; walking, cleaning stalls, reading, making fun of people we don't know, loudly singing off key, etc....
     I am so lucky to have a friend like you!

I clean 2-10 stalls a day at my aunt's horse boarding barn. I don't own a horse and I don't care to but I dont mind the work. I do whatever barn chores they want me to do and I get to keep living with Berni and James seems like a good deal to me :) I love living with them more then anything. They are such a huge part of my life.

I figured I would post a poem. So here it goes......

Keep Breathing

Sydni Jean

 

Keep breathing keep moving step by step

Closer and closer to my goal

Down the road and around the corner

I’ll keep running till I make it home

Closer and closer to my goal

Breathing hard and moving fast

I’ll keep running till I make it home

Around the corner down my broken path

Breathing hard and moving fast

The stopping point seems so far away

Around the corner down my broken path

So many road blocks in the way

The stopping point seems so far away

Another turn is plain to see

So many road blocks in the way

Maybe I’m lost after all

Another turn is plain to see

Beads of sweat on my face

Maybe I’m lost after all

But I can’t stop yet

Beads of sweat on my face

My heart beat pounding in my head

But I can’t stop yet

Keep breathing in the cold air

My heart beat pounding in my head

I fall, tripping over my own feet

Keep breathing in the cold air

It’s so hard to get back up

I fall, tripping over my own feet

Blood on my hands and knees

It’s so hard to get back up

I must keep pushing forward

Blood on my hands and knees

I push myself off the ground

I must keep pushing forward

There is to much at stake

I have to move on

there is someone who needs me

There is to much at stake

 I feel like I'm running out of time  

Please let me make it home

Down the road and around the corner

I feel like I’m running out of time

Keep breathing keep moving step by step

OH MY GOSH i will never agree to mow someones lawn without seeing it first ever again... It was terribly overgrown and took me 2 1/2 hours to finish! every 5-15 feet i would have to flip the mower on to its side and scrape out all the grass that was stuck. Uhg.... at least i got to go pick up Makayla after i was done. then we went to WinCo, she loves WinCo or at least the cute guy that works there. She said "Sydni, there is nothing we need in this section" I said "Yes there has to be or how are you going to talk to that guy?". It worked of course and the guy talked to her for a while..... I WIN! we have so much fun :)

I will be a 68W Health Care Specialist (Combat Medic) I leave July 1st. I go to fort Sill Oklahoma for basic training and then continue on to Texas for AIT

Ah yes yesterday... Where to start, well future soldier training was a blast! We did map reading. I was so nervous because he was telling us to find a spot on the map by using a certain method and I had no clue what he was talking about and whenever you ask a question everyone in the room looks right at you like they are waiting for you to say something stupid. I asked anyway... I said I have no clue what that means turns out only two people (him and a kid who had just took a class on it) knew what he was talking about. Once he showed us it was so easy it really gave me the feeling that maybe I wont totally fail. I really am excited for my future career.

Today Is future soldier training at the Arny recruiting station. I try to go every week. Its filled with information and exercise. I drag my friend Makayla along with me. She sits and laughs at me while I do push ups sit up run and verious other things.

Today my goal is to make good decisions.

You can push yourself so hard to reach your goals but, you can only push others so hard before you break. If a little push here and there isn't working its not worth the time, tears, and heart ache.

I love hard work. Just got done moving hay. Its nice to do work where you can really see results its extremely gratifying. Last summer thanks to the pop up bail loader my grandpa only needed one helper so I moved over 100 tons of hay myself.

So this is it. Three forths of the way through my senior year in high school. I know what i want to do next but I wont pretend I'm not scared. Seem to me that every thing is coming together and I will be out of this place (Small town Oregon) very soon.